Pride Month
Joan and I set up The Wellbeing Collective in 2014, three years after we had become a couple. I brought two small boys with me from my previous relationship which kicked off a whole world of learning for the four of us, as well as their dad, grandparents and friends.
I recall being very scared of what people at the boys’ school might think of our new family situation. Their school was small and close-knit, and I didn’t know if they would feel more in-the-spotlight because of this. I wondered if I would be judged by others for my parenting choices or if the boys themselves would be damaged by the experience of having two mum figures at home but a dad attending their school events. Lots of questions ran through my mind.
My sons were 7 around the time that we became a blended family. At their age and developmental stage, I worried about how they would process this change to their family life and how they would manage with explaining it to their friends. Everything felt like new territory: how should school refer to Joan? What assumptions or judgements would they make if they saw Joan show any kind of affection to either me or the boys? Would my children have to go to therapy over any of this when they were older? Sometimes I got into a paralysing spiral as over-analysing question after question raced through my mind. It didn’t help that other people often asked me questions along these lines too!
Despite my worries and anxiety about doing the right thing by my boys, I was self-assured that choosing to set up a life with Joan was ultimately the right thing by all of us.
Fast forward to when they reached 14, Joan and I were thinking about getting married. We wanted to ask for the boys’ permission, but they just scoffed and said, ‘everyone we know is already fully aware that you are a couple. They have always known and don’t pay any attention to it. You are normal and the only ones making a big deal out of it are the two of you. Don’t think you are special – you are simply middle-aged, middle-class lesbians. Please try to get over it’!
Fast forward again to today and the boys are 18, off to university and more care-free than ever regarding their home set-up. The thought of moving out to uni and having new experiences with lots of new people who don’t know about their personal life yet doesn’t daunt them at all. Mine and Joan’s relationship really does not concern them in the slightest, no matter what new circumstances or life stages they enter into. It doesn’t worry me either like it used to.
We are confident that love is love and that we are just us. All four of us feel genuine pride in our family. I am also proud of the positive attitudes, accepting views and inclusive values of those around us like our friends, families and my children’s old school (who turned out to be wholly supportive).
Through all of this, I have learnt that allyship is so precious. Visible allyship has sustained me, grounded me and held my head up every step of the way, even when things have been far less easy than I have recounted in this blog. I wanted to share this blog and the overarching positive part of my LGBT parenting experience during Pride Month as an example of the healthy and happy place we can find ourselves in when we have rights and a safe space.
.
.
#PrideMonth #Pride #LGBTQIA #LGBTQ #lesbian #marriage #blendedfamily #blog #livedexperience #courses #elearning #online #learning #training #coaching #edi #equity #diversity #inclusion #allyship
The Wellbeing Collective Ltd 