How I Improve My Wellbeing with the Circle of Control

Whenever I go through patches where life feels like it’s creeping up on me, or I’m swimming a bit harder than usual against the current, I come back to the things that are in my control to do something about.

The Circle of Control is a simple diagram in Psychology that you can use to recognise what is within your control and what is outside of your control. I always come back to it in moments of anxiety or apprehension as it helps me to centre myself again.

As in the diagram above, you can use the Circle of Control yourself as a 5-minute exercise with a pen and paper. Draw a box and a big circle inside of it. Now write down some things that are not in your control outside of the circle and some things that are in your control inside of the circle.

For myself, I might write ‘the past’, ‘other people’s decisions’ and ‘my mood’ outside of my circle. While I may be able to influence a couple of these things, I can’t change them just because I want to. Inside my circle, I might write ‘tidying my home environment’, ‘getting some fresh air today’, ‘calling a friend’ and ‘completing X,Y & Z on my to-do list’. These are all things that are completely down to me to do and I know are achievable by the end of the day.

I always ask myself, ‘what would make me feel better by the end of today?’ In order to complete my Circle of Control diagram and work out what I want to set out to do that day. I do this because sometimes, when things get on top of me a little, I have an avoidance reaction where I want to bury my head in the sand. However, I know that ignoring things that are making me feel on edge doesn’t make them go away and a better decision for me to make is to face these things head-on.

I find taking a bit of time in the morning helps me to make these better decisions for myself and sets me up for a more successful day. When I ask myself the question of what is going to make me feel better, I normally find myself facing two different answers. 1. I could give myself a few hours of escapism by tucking up and doing some of my favourite things: reading a book, drawing a picture, watching a film… Or 2. I get on and do some of things that aren’t making me feel relaxed.

Even though it is more tempting to pick option 1, because I know this will make me feel better in the moment while I am doing those things, I know that when I put down my book or that film comes to an end, it’ll be back to reality and I’ll go back to feeling how I did earlier. I then look at the second, less appealing option and recognise that, whilst I may not have fun while I do those things that I want to put off, once they’re done, I’ll have a greater sense of relaxation and longer-lasting contentment as a result.

I most recently took myself through this process last weekend. I couldn’t identify why I felt out of sorts when I woke up Saturday morning, but I still managed to come up with a list of things that would help me feel more normal again by the time I went to bed that night. These were really simple things like making myself a healthy lunch that would offer me sustained energy, going for a one-hour walk, cleaning some surfaces in my home and writing a diary entry.

This isn’t to say that I didn’t do anything fun all weekend: I habit-stacked a lot of these tasks (or paired something I was making myself do with something I wanted to do). For example, I listened to a podcast on my walk, played an upbeat playlist while I swept my kitchen floor and sat next to my cat while I journalled. I still watched a film that day, but I saved it for the evening to act as a reward for doing the other things I set out for myself in the morning/afternoon. Using the Circle of Control technique doesn’t have to be a painful process – it’s there for you to fall back on at times when you feel out of sorts or like life is going by in a bit of a blur.

For me, when I have days like these, what I do with myself as a result is one of the ways I show up as kind to myself. I view completing activities and behaviours that, overall, make me feel better as acts of self-kindness. I would love it if we all chose to be kind to ourselves on our good and not-so-good days.

If you would like to learn more about The Wellbeing Collective’s other wellbeing resources or the Circle of Control, see the links below:

Free Download: Wellbeing and Stress at Work Resource Pack.

Free Download: Digital Wellbeing Journal.

Free Download: Improving My Wellbeing and Finding Balance Podcast Activity Booklet.

Free Download: Wellbeing Resource List.